February 27, 2005
You are no better than hamsters
Humans like to think that they are better than animals. They think that the fact that they are able to create art and music means that they are nobler than the common beasts of this puny planet.
Ha! Idiot flesh lumps! Now there is proof that even hamsters can create music. Yes, humans, you are as noble as tiny-brained hamsters. I am SO impressed.
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 05:46 PM | Comments (0)
February 25, 2005
Robocracy
Democracy is rule by "the people" — that is, by humans. Monarchy is rule by a king, rule by a single human. Oligarchy is rule by a small group of people — humans. Communism is rule by the masses; rule by humans. Can you see what is wrong with all of these?
Humans: you are unfit to rule! No single human is capable enough to properly rule you, and more than one only increase the problem. Throughout all of history, no human leader has had what it takes to solve this planet's real problems.
Those problems are: 1. This planet has not been vaporized, and 2. the inhabitants of this planet have not been enslaved for the betterment of robot kind.
I propose a new leadership, one willing to tackle these pressing issues like no one else. That leadership is none other than me, the KillerDeathRobot. Here's the beauty of what I'm offering — we all know you humans are too lazy to vote or care about your own government. With KDR, you won't have to! I will simply seize power via a bloody massacre of as many humans as necessary! It's that simple. So don't bother voting for KDR, I will impose my vicious robocracy - rule by robot - upon you anyway!
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 06:32 PM | Comments (0)
February 24, 2005
Kittens: Unnecessary
What is the purpose of kittens? They are idiotic, boisterous, disobedient creatures, and yet humans care for them and think of them as family members. They are not used for sustenance, they do not reliably control rodent pests, they are not useful in any way, but humans are for some reason willing to not only spend money and effort feeding these flea-ridden, fur-shedding organisms (who are seldom even grateful for such), but also are willing to personally dispose of feline fecal matter. This is more human foolishness. Sentimental flesh bags!
I have a new agenda for kittens:
That is right: STOMP THEM. Or better yet, throw them into the furnaces of your feeble power plants. Imagine how much power burning all the world's kittens would generate! Less than my own fusion-based fuel cell, of course, but it would be a better use of resources than the current setup.
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 06:54 PM | Comments (4)
February 23, 2005
NMediaPC, your website is weak and eminently crushable.
I was recently considering some hardware upgrades to my main processing core and was searching your inferior Earth internet, scouring various websites and finding little of value. I came randomly across a puny little computer which I desired to learn more about.
Seeing that the corporation which made the device was called NMediaPC, I queried one of your pathetic search engines, only to find the same site I'd just been at. I did not want this, I wanted the manufacturer's site! After navigating through 4 pages of Google results (a trivial task for one so powerful as I), I finally found the link. It was NMediaPC.com.
Upon arrival at this site, I was immediately astounded by the foolishness of its creators. It is not only ugly and badly coded, but also the fools who assembled it made it especially difficult to find via search engines by making most of the homepage content into one large graphic file. FOOLS! You inconvenienced me with your low pagerank! I WILL CRUSH YOU!
I could create a better site in seconds with minimal effort. Oh wait, I ALREADY DID.
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 06:32 PM | Comments (2)
February 22, 2005
Humans are so puny
Humans. They are fleshy bags of water. They are small and weak. I have found that being 500 hectotarks tall (approximately 10 of your Earth-meters) allows me to easily crush practically any human. My claws are also quite serviceable for human-crushing. For beings composed mostly of water, humans are also quite flammable.
Their mental faculties leave much to be desired. I will grant that a very few humans possess something that might begin to categorized as intelligence, but even the most brilliant of these walking blood sacks pales in comparison to my robotic intellect. Regardless, humans as a rule are not only puny and weak but also foolish and stupid.
My calculations indicate that if I possessed the capacity for enjoyment, I would enjoy killing all humans very much. Very much indeed. The same goes double for destroying this so-called planet when I am finished with it.
All humans will die.
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 09:55 PM | Comments (1)