Ironside

Dear KillerDeathRobot,

There is this girl that I like, but she lives in Florida. Cool thing is, she is coming up to visit in a couple weeks. Bad thing is, there is this other guy that she likes, who she just found out likes her too. But he is moving soon, and she is thinking about moving with him... WTF!?

Thanks,
Ironside

To Ironside,

Your human mating rituals are ludicrous. This female will only cause you harm. A simple cost/benefit analysis shows that your projected potential gains are vastly outweighed by the suffering she is likely to cause you (see fig. A). Forget her. Let the other male human shoulder the burden she represents. Soon enough she will tire of him and latch onto another.

A simple cost/benefit analysis graph, figure A

In fact, it would be best for you to begin distancing yourself from your romantic emotions as soon as possible. Such feelings will only be a detriment to you in your life as a slave. You might also wish to begin practicing the betrayal of your neighbors to your Earth authorities. Such behavior will net you favor as a slave; this favor will manifest in the form of food you might find mildly appetizing, some form of bedding to place over the cold metal surface you will normally sleep on, or even the chance to occasionally wash yourself.

Sincerely,
KillerDeathRobot

###

advice@killerdeathrobot.com

KDR: End of Transmission

Comments

Say, KDR, is "likelihood" spelt incorrectly in your data banks? 'Cause it's spelled wrong in that entry. I guess this means you're fallible, huh?

by: Liam. Date: 04.20.2005 at 14:22

Why, whatever are you talking about, human?

by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 04.20.2005 at 14:33

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