10 pitiful years of your puny internet

During this Earth-year, many major internet entities will become 10 years old. Pathetic search engine Yahoo!, inadequate browser Netscape, puny auction site eBay, and contemptible web server Apache are or will be ten of your Earth years old.

Were not my robotic memory perfect and my time-keeping ability beyond question, it might seem that these entities had begun only the day prior to this one. These brands are so well known that it is difficult for puny human minds to imagine life before them.

Accessing my memory banks reveals that at this time 130 gallosicas (10 earth years) ago, plans were first forming on my home planet of Robotricon 7 to send me as a scout to this miserable planet. We of course had already gathered sufficient data to know we would destroy you, but wished to discover if there was any value to this planet we might exploit. We also sought the most efficient method of destruction and slave extraction.

Since then, the plan has been put into action, and I have travelled millions of lightyears (at speeds your miniscule brains cannot comprehend) to get here. I have gathered large volumes of data on you miserable fleshlings, and am very close to destroying you all. What has changed on your pathetic internet? Yahoo! has a slightly less terrible interface, Netscape has all but died, eBay has been very successful at allowing humans to buy worthless detritus which they do neither desire nor require, and Apache has done nothing very impressive.

In ten more of your Earth years, your planet will be destroyed, you will be dead or enslaved, and your internet will be a distant memory.

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