The Orthodox Geek
Dear Mr. KillerDeathRobot,Me and my friend were arguing the other day about who would win:
KillerDeathRobot... Or the collective Justice League of America.
Now, personally he was backing you, but I gotta say my money is on the superheroes.
Keep in mind, this is just you fighting the JLA. You're not bringing your big metal friends to this fight, you pussy.
Thoughts?
Yours,
The Orthodox Geek.
To The Orthodox Geek,
This hypothetical battle is as idiotic as the HIGHLY idiotic human who imagined it in the first place. The "Justice League of America" is a fictional group of implausible humanoid champions, the exploits of whom are published in short graphical books. I am a non-fictional giant robot. I could easily destroy the entire DC comics company (as well as its parent company Time-Warner).
Nevertheless let us speculate on possible outcomes of such a battle, were all of its combatants non-fictional. A very fast (yet also very accurate) calculation shows that I do not have enough information. The "collective" Justice League of America has a regularly changing line-up of hundreds of characters. Furthermore, no scenario has been given. Who is attacking first? Is there an element of surprise? Is the entire league attacking at once, or is it a series of one-on-one encounters?
Regardless, I am confident that I could easily vanquish this puny group which literally represents the best humans can imagine in terms of resisting me. The first step would be to eliminate Batman. He is the only one with a semblance of intelligence. If he is given time to prepare, he becomes more threatening; while I do not have any weaknesses exploitable by a mere human, it is still not logical to allow threat to increase when there is no other benefit to be gained. With no time to prepare, he is merely a quick-thinking human and no human thinks quicker than a robot like I can process. With Batman crushed, the rest should be simple.
Superman is completely vulnerable to what seems to be a very plentiful mineral in that fictional universe. Wonder Woman is strong, but can be crushed or perhaps rent limb from limb. Martian Manhunter is susceptible to fire, something I can easily create. The Flash is very fast, but little else. He can be tricked and caught, and thus destroyed. The current Green Lantern would be easily controlled via hypnosis ray, and Aquaman's ability to commune with aquatic organisms would not protect anyone from my attack. Any and every other character who might be included in this line-up would be similarly defeatable.
The most powerful heroes your species can dream up are laden with weakness. They must all have a "human" element. This is because the human mind does not like a character to be "too powerful." Even in their wildest dreams, humans are inherently weak destructible.
Yours,
KillerDeathRobot
###
Post a Comment
Recent Entries
- Interview
- Where is KDR?
- Another New Girl
- The New Girl
- Your human squabbles continue to be unimpressive
April 2007
| Su | Mo | Tu | We | Th | Fr | Sa |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Comments
So then... Why HAVEN'T you destroyed DC, or Time Warner... Or ANYTHING for that matter?
"killerdeathrobot" my eye! "runsmouthalotrobot" is more appropriate.
by: Malibu Sally. Date: 03.31.2005 at 12:31
Unlike you braindead meatsacks, I am not a slave to my whims. I can restrain myself from actions which would hurt the overall objectives of my mission.
by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 03.31.2005 at 12:43
The Martian Manhunter and Firestorm team up. The Manhunter takes Firestorm with him incorperally, allowing him to materialize his transmutation abilities inside your chassis.
Goodbye, KillerDeathRobot, hello KilledDeadWidelySpreadingCloudOfHelium
by: Mad Linguist. Date: 05.22.2005 at 17:23
The force fields which surround my interior parts would likely still thwart the Martian Manhunter, although his powers are only very vaguely defined, so it is difficult to make accurate calculations.
by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 05.22.2005 at 18:07
If nothing else they could always go back in time to the beginning of the existance of the universe and prevent you from ever being created.
Or just teleport a black hole close enough to engulf you in the event horizon.
by: Mad Linquist. Date: 07.12.2005 at 18:34
That is, of course, one of the reasons robots will always be superior to humans. Humans must rely on 'special powers' and 'time travel' and 'black hole teleportation' and other such impossibilities to even defeat ONE robot.
On the other hydraulic crushing claw, a robot would simply use the most efficient method. A single laser blast or one swipe of a rending weapon would be enough. Robots will always have the upper hand in such situations, assuming 'such situations' are ALL situations.
by: Solomon. Date: 07.29.2005 at 17:52
If you were to say that, you might as well argue that humans are superior to CPUs because they are able to move around without relying on "Hydralic Arms" and "Laser Blasts". Such comparisons are as puny as KDR's compassion!
Humans also require far fewer resources and less perparation to survive.
by: The Mad Linguist. Date: 08.01.2005 at 21:05
Fewer resources and less preparation? You have no facts to substantiate such a claim.
by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 08.01.2005 at 21:12