Distressed Father
Dear Mr. Death Robot,So, I was looking for a nice strong metal to make a swingset out of, and I thought, considering that you are made of metal, and a metal I assume is strong, that you could possibly point me in the right direction. As I understand it, most swingsets fall apart after a year or so of use. This one has to be stronger than most, you see, as the "child" I am making it for is 38 years young and 350 pounds light. Do you know where I could acquire some of this miracle alloy I'm looking for?
Respectfully yours,
Distressed Father
To Distressed Father,
While it is true that the metals generally available are quite puny compared to the advanced materials we robots utilize, it should be entirely possible to manufacture a swingset which would meet your specifications, even with your pathetic human engineering.
I have observed many swingsets (often made of steel) which have been standing for much longer than one of your Earth years, and which are still structurally sound. Furthermore, there are likely no other materials you would be able to access which are as strong for similar monetary value. Materials research is in a ridiculously primitive state on this planet.
A better question is why are you building a swingset for someone that old and heavy? This human would likely find his time better spent losing weight through rigorous exercise than swinging idly on a custom-built swingset. Or perhaps this person is mentally deficient such that he is in a child-like state; in this case I would recommend termination for him since he is essentially societal dead weight.
KillerDeathRobot
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Comments
He is autistic.
by: Distressed Father. Date: 05.04.2005 at 18:09
And a savant!
by: Distressed Father. Date: 05.04.2005 at 18:10
What sort of savant? Unless it is a very useful type, I would recommend termination.
by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 05.04.2005 at 18:16
I do not see why you of all entities would recommend termination for an autistic human, for I would assume that, in your eyes, all of us are fit for termination, all of us are strains on the society. He's very loving, and when I connect with him, I have a sense of satisfaction that I do not have otherwise. Also, the sculpture he creates is unlike anything else I've ever seen. They are stunning portrayals of sadness and vulnerability. All of us are fallible, so how can we persecute our own from such a criterion?
by: Distressed Father. Date: 05.05.2005 at 08:43
I do not plan to terminate all humans. I plan to enslave many to perform manual labor on the robot homeworld. Such a human as you describe is even more worthless to me than others.
However it does not surprise me that you balk at such a suggestion. You humans are weak and sentimental and apparently actually value sculptures portraying weakness.
It matters nothing to me if you take my suggestions. If this human cannot satisfactorily perform the manual labor we desire, we will terminate him anyway.
by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 05.05.2005 at 11:55
Why would you enslave humans to accomplish your tasks when you can construct robots that perform activities with more ease and efficiency? Maybe my mind's just too weak and puny to understand your ways, but I cannot reconcile why human labor would be useful to something like yourself, something that is the ultimate in utilitarianism, something that is pure function, without weaknesses of morality, mortality, or any of that stuff.
If anything, I would assume your reasons for enslaving humanity would concern our resources, which happen to be somewhat abundant on this planet. One of the main reasons materials research is in such a primitive state here is that we have so much to start with. We still build our dwellings out of wood and stone and mud, because we can use wood and stone and mud, because we have these things.
In short, I don't think you're being completely honest with us, KDR. Please, can you be a little more explicit and forthright about what your plans are?
by: Abbyzzmal. Date: 05.05.2005 at 13:24
I apologize for the lack of paragraph breaks above. I added spaces, but they seem to have disappeared upon posting.
by: Abbyzzmal. Date: 05.05.2005 at 13:25
My plans have been explained in some detail in previous postings.
Suffice it to say that humans can be made to be slightly profitable slaves and we enjoy their suffering.
The posting system requires 2 breaks between paragraphs.
by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 05.05.2005 at 13:34
I've read the previous postings, and I can recognize how humans may require less fuel in proportion to the work you get out of them than would be detrimental, but I have a hard time reconciling robotic sadism.
I do not understand why enjoying the suffering of others is not a weakness. In the human psyche, this is a perversion generally pointing to an insecurity in the self. Why is this different in the robot's case?
by: Michael Abbott. Date: 05.05.2005 at 13:41
Sadism in humans can be a weakness to society because humans often cannot control their urges for the greater good of their society.
We robots operate wholly differently than humans in many ways. To begin with, we do not have sadistic tendencies toward one another. We each have vested interests in the success of each other. We do not feel pain as such and do not suffer from emotional anguish.
Furthermore, it is advantageous for us to wish harm upon other beings because this allows us to harness them as efficiently as possible with no guilt.
by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 05.05.2005 at 13:54
Thank you, this has been enlightening. Good luck dominating the world!
<3 <3 <3
by: MWA. Date: 05.05.2005 at 15:29
I, Jago, proclaim the decimation of all robots. When the 90% stand, they shall fall.
Given simple chemistry and common sense, these so-called 'advanced' robots do not have the technology, the resources, or the intelligence to survive as humans will.
A ninja for life. -Jago, the Robot Slayer.
by: Jago. Date: 05.06.2005 at 13:47
Bold claims will not save you, fleshbag!
by: KillerDeathRobot. Date: 05.06.2005 at 13:58
Furthermore, it is advantageous for us to wish harm upon other beings because this allows us to harness them as efficiently as possible with no guilt.
Wouldn't it be even more advantageous to have no feelings about them at all such to utilize them as advantageously as possible? You obviously are choosing a less efficient method in order to cause human suffering.
So, how much human suffering needs to be caused for each joule of power lost due to ineffeciency?
by: M4z13. Date: 07.12.2005 at 18:27