The Date

The nocturnal portion of the Earth day prior to this contained the previously arranged pseudo-romantic appoinment between myself and my female human co-worker Betty. The human female requested that I "pick her up" promptly at 20:00 at her place of residence in order to convey us to our appointed destination (a restaurant referred to as the Olive Garden).

I arrived at precisely 20:00 but although this was the time agreed upon, Betty was not yet finished with her preparations. How typically human! She forced me to wait for approximately 14 minutes and 39 seconds, by your Earth reckoning. Once her preparations were finished, she exited her dwelling and we were ready to go to the restaurant. She having previously requested me to pick her up, I carefully grasped her head and torso in my claws, lifted her several meters off the ground, and held her horizontally as I began to locomote towards our destination.

"What are you doing?" Betty asked, in what my calculations determined to be an alarmed manner.
"I am carrying your disgusting organic carcass to our destination, human," I replied.
"Oh! How romantic!"

She then commenced babbling about various mundane human things. I set my audio filter to mute, but to alert me if the "conversation" required my input. I received no alerts, although in reviewing my logs of her speech, Betty repeatedly praised my listening abilities.

We soon arrived at the Olive Garden human eating establishment. We were quickly seated (I had made a reservation) and I decided that since the date seemed to have commenced in earnest, I should activate my recently perfected cologne delivery mechanism. I was able to quickly saturate the air with the oderous chemical, which is sold on the premise that humans find it to be attractive. Betty and other patrons contorted their faces and wondered aloud what the "horrible smell" was, and our food servant fell temporarily unconscious. I found this amusing but decided to deactivate the mechanism.

When the time came to order, I chose randomly from the list of food items displayed on the menu. Betty ordered fettuccine alfredo but complained that it tasted of the odorous chemicals that were still suspended in the air. Before that, however, we were each brought a salad. The food servant asked if I would like parmesan cheese grated into the salad. I replied in the affirmative, and he ordered me to "say when." I disliked his tone, so I allowed him to continue grating. After a few moments, he tried to stop, but I said, "MORE" and he continued. Each time he attempted to stop grating cheese for me, I ordered him to grate more. He grated an entire brick of cheese and still I demanded more. He said he would need to resupply and ran away. He did not return, though my sensors picked up the sound of him weeping in the kitchen. "I like cheese," I said to Betty.

For the rest of the evening, Betty chattered on while I ran complex calculations internally. At one point, a human at the table adjacent to Betty and me expectorated. As the humans around me began to say things like "bless you" and "gesundheit" (what foolish things to say!), I pointed at the male human who had sneezed and said loudly, "YOUR WHOLE PLANET WILL BURN." It was more helpful than those other sayings would have been.

The food I received was dumped into my incinerator to be burned for a small amount of extra fuel.

When a different servant brought the invoice for the items we had ordered, I stood to my full height and declared that I would not pay for this terrible meal. It had tasted terrible, I claimed, and I complained that the previous servant had put far too much cheese on my food, and wouldn't stop grinding more no matter how many times I asked him to stop. I also claimed that I had found several disgusting bits of organic tissue in my food (this was true — my scanners detected several microscopic flakes of skin and hair). I demanded to see the overlord of the establishment and I complained loudly of these things to him. Thus we were not forced to surrender monetary units for the items we had ordered.

We returned to Betty's dwelling without incident and I dropped her to the ground. She stood and remarked that she had had a "great" time. I said that it had been horrible and that I wished for humanity to be utterly destroyed. She seemed to ignore this. She then closed her eyes and puckered her lips and leaned toward me. I quickly calculated that she was attempting to touch her lips to mine, not having noticed that I do not possess lips. I activated my advanced propulsion system and was out of her range of vision before she realized that I was gone.

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