Laboring with humans

My return to employment after my short sojourn to battle my enemies has brought into sharp relief the more unpleasant aspects of laboring alongside humans (that is, all aspects of laboring alongside humans).

As an aside, during my absence, my human overlord labored under the misapprehension that I was away on "urgent family business." The gullible fool! It did however pain me that such a deception was necessary when I would have rather simply razed the office to the ground.

Returning to the subject of my human coworkers, I wish to relate that if they are an accurate indication of human workplaces in general, then you meat-sacks will be better off as slaves to us robots. The pettiness! These humans are so puny that the only manner in which they are able to increase their own senses of self worth is to tear down their fellow fleshlings. The ridiculous backbiting and "politics" which occur would cause me to vomit, were such a thing possible.

It seems perhaps some humans have taken some advice I previously have given (or perhaps did not require such advice) and are actively engaged in breaking the spirits of their coworkers. They are mind-numbingly boring and stupid (purposefully or otherwise), and any who are not are resented and plotted against. They seemingly care nothing for others (though they make outward appearances of such) except perhaps for those with whom they have made alliances (and in these cases perhaps only to keep the alliances in tact).

I have studied these humans and have mastered this art of tearing the humans down. I steal or contaminate lunches in the break room; I am calculatingly vague in my communications such that others make mistakes based on mistaken assumptions and information; I co-opt meetings into personal name-calling and blame-passing and cause even less to be accomplished than normally would; I send false emails to supposedly the wrong human with information which makes it appear that others are speaking ill of them behind their backs (to use a logically foolish idiom); in short, I make the lives of the humans with whom I work as miserable as possible while remaining blameless myself.

At least when you fools are dead or slaves, you will not be allowed to interact in this fashion. You will work hard and you will coexist efficiently, or you will die. Anything you do to lower efficiency will cause you to cross a threshold at which point it is more efficient to simply terminate you.

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April 2007

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