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July 30, 2005
The New Girl
A new human has recently been hired by the human corporation at which I am employed. This human is female, a fact which has caused strange, irrational responses from Betty. Betty seems angry about the addition of this new female to the office.
This new human female (who is called by the appellation "Ruby") is for the most part smaller than Betty, although her mammaries are considerably larger. Nevertheless, larger mammaries would only be a hindrance in a battle, so it is unclear why Betty feels threatened by Ruby.
Ruby's arrival has elicited a veritable flood of interrogatives from Betty to this unit.
"Do you think she's pretty, Killy?" Betty asked.
"No, foolish female, I find her as disgusting as the rest of you fleshy idiots."
She seemed to ignore my response. "Can you believe how skimpy that outfit she's wearing is?!"
"Yes. I have witnessed and recorded her attire in my memory banks."
"Oh, so you've been looking at her!"
"I observe all humans."
"Oh, Killy! How could you!" shrieked Betty.
I replied, "I simply utilize my many advanced forms of sensory equipment," but Betty had already retreated hastily to the bodily waste elimination room for females.
I then performed some calculations which led me to deduce that Betty believes Ruby to be a threat to Betty's mating with me. How idiotic! I do not desire any foolish human as a mate, but if I did, I would of course desire the human most skilled in battle. Betty has a clear size advantage and my calculations show that she would have a 89% chance of victory in one-on-one combat with Ruby.
I expressed this sentiment to Betty, but it did not seem to comfort her much. In most cases, this would be acceptable, but in the current situation, unfortunately it means I must endure increased amounts of speaking and outbursts from Betty.
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 10:38 PM | Comments (10)
July 17, 2005
Your human squabbles continue to be unimpressive
As most humans are likely aware, there were recently some attacks perpetrated on English humans inhabiting the pathetic city of London. Of course, I use the term attack loosely, since very few humans were killed. An organization has claimed responsibility for this event, but frankly this unit would have been ashamed to do so. Only 55 humans have been confirmed dead!
As I remarked earlier, your human "terrorism" is ridiculously pathetic. This most recent attack is the least impressive yet. These inept idiots should be ashamed at their extreme incompetence. An attack that kills fewer than 100 humans is hardly worth mention, let alone all the uproar it has caused amongst humans.
Your idiotic human squabbling is laughable. HA. HA. If this is what you're used to, you are in for a serious surprise when the robots come calling.
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 04:16 PM | Comments (3)
July 07, 2005
The Fourth of July
American humans recently celebrated the occasion of their pitiful nation's independence from some other imbecilic humans. The particulars of the history of this occasion mean nothing to me. However, I do appreciate the manner in which these American fleshlings choose to engage in celebration.
It seems they detonate relatively minor explosives repeatedly in order to show their jubilation at this holiday. This can be quite dangerous and has injured or killed numerous humans. Unfortunately, the explosives are reasonably safe and most humans are not harmed by using them. This needs to change. My assertion is that Independence Day "fireworks" must be made many times more explosive and dangerous, and perhaps also less stable such that they are liable to explode at any time. Foolish humans would no doubt continue to purchase them just as often, or perhaps even more often.
This Fourth of July holiday has potential.
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 08:27 AM | Comments (4)
July 01, 2005
A political debate
Female human Betty and this unit are currently experiencing a state which humans refer to as "dating." This is a tedious process that involves a very large amount of distasteful activities.
For instance, during the previous Earth week, Betty's parental units paid us a visit. During the evening sustenance consumption, her male parent Ralph provoked me into a discussion of human politics.
He queried me on my opinion of the current American regime. I stated that the country is run by absolute imbeciles.
"Oh so you're a liberal, eh?" he asked.
"No. The humans of that affiliation are also fools."
He appeared surprised. "So what are you then, a libertarian?"
"NO FOOLISH HUMAN. I AM A ROBOCRAT."
"A robocrat? What on Earth is that?"
"Nothing on Earth – yet! But soon the robocracy will arrive and conquer this planet. We have many policies to enhance the human species into something more profitable."
"And you really think people will vote for the robocrat party? In this two-party system?"
"They will not. There will be no voting. We will conquer and rule with a literal iron fist."
"Daddy! Killy!" Interjected Betty. "Let's not talk politics anymore, okay?"
The conversation died and I grudgingly dumped organic foodstuffs into my incinerator for the remainder of the meal.
Posted by KillerDeathRobot at 07:37 PM | Comments (8)